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I just want everyone to know that this is a blog and it tells the tale of my recovery from cancer. Some of the stages that I go through is specific to my case. I want to tell my story, so when others run into this type of cancer, they can have expectations or ideas of how to beat it like I will. Some of the details are graphic. It will be my feelings, what I feel, and what treatments I receive and their affects. Believe me, it is brutal. So bear with me, and know I am not being nasty, just letting you know the facts of me.

I had my very first chemo today. How awful is this process? I need to start from the beginning. I dressed up a little thinking it was just a little meet and greet with the doc about moving up toIndiana. Oops, I was wrong. The cancer has spread into my lymph nodes. So, the doctor said chemo needs to start now. I was crushed. I wanted to move to where the treatment would start and end. I wanted to donate another vial of sperm, because I feel the one I did wasn’t good enough. Like putting your eggs all in one basket. I started getting pissed, so dad and I had a quick heart to heart. He calmed me down, chemo was them started.

The chemo process is intense. It is a 6 to 7 hour process a day………………..5 days a week…………….stretched over 4 months………..which I didn’t know. First they must prepare your kidneys for the toxic chemical they will be pumping into your body. I understand that if this process isn’t started, your kidneys will fail and you die. So to all my nurses reading this, DON’T FORGET STEP ONE!!! Thank you. Anyway, step one is a 2 hour saline solution to prepare the kidneys for toxics. The next step is a small bag 30 minute bag of steroid solution. Ummmm not sure what it was for, so give me time because tomorrow I have another repeat chemo treatment. Then, the chemo starts. You know it is going to be a rough day when the nurse comes in wearing a chemical suit. This step was about 2 hours, and I received two bags of chemo juice. There are technical names for them, but spelling them is rough so chemo juice works for me. Then after the chemo juice, which no you can not just drink, another 2 hour saline solution that flushes out the kidneys. Then I am done, for now. They are two boosters a week after each chemo that must be done. So it’s a pain staking process.

I am done with day one, so now it is time to eat. Enough hospital food. Mystery meat with brown beef flavoring, its not gravy. Nope, Applebees, I love you. I got the Trio Platter thing……..SEMPER FI to whoever made that thing. The most important thing that the doctor told me to is eat. Even if you are not hungry, eat. I found that Boost helps tons. It has a huge amount of calories, and protein which you will need more than you will ever know. They are actually really good. So eat, eat eat, or drink.

Now as you go through this process of chemo, cancer, and in my case loosing my left testicle, your hormones will be out of whack. Some days I feel like I am on top of the world, other days ummm not so much. Today after chemo, it felt as if someone had kicked me right in the one ball I have. I was on the floor in so much pain. The best advice I can give, one, it will pass with IBprohin, and two, don’t loose your pain meds they give you. I was on the floor, and I was like a 17 year old girl, on the rag, on prom night, with a huge zit on her nose. I was mad, furious even. So those who experience this, believe me, it will pass. Control yourself because you only hurt yourself acting like I did.

So day one is in the books, and I decided to shave my head. To Hell with cancer. How dare it invade me and try to take my stuff. So if anyone was to take my hair, this guy did. I am holding strong and will continue to update all my treatments to let the world know and answer questions as I go. Please keep in mind, this is my case, anyone can be different. These are my facts, but a guideline of what’s up. I love you all.

Any day that you wake you alive, is the start to a good day.

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Dear God,

So my life has been sent for a loop this last week as you already know.  As I try to bring everything into prespective I just have one question.  Why?  Can you please tell me what I did wrong to deserve this deadly disease?  I thought I was doing good in my life.  I minded my own business, I was kind and treated people with love and respect.  So why do I have to do this now?  I am hurt and confused.  I was finally passing math.  For the first time in years I was getting great grades.  Well, maybe not all the best due to the fact my last test was a 34%.  However, my last two grades were really good.  So now that I have this cancer, I have had to drop my class.  The next time I take it, it will be my 5th attempt.  I have lost my job which I have worked so hard to get where I was at.  People loved having me there and I enjoyed being there.  I feel like I have let them down.   I am very hurt that all this has happened.  So I will ask you for this.  Show me why I have cancer.  Please do not abandon me.  I need you in my life now more than ever to make scense of it all.  My mom told me tonight before she went to bed that when you close a door, you open a window.  Well, please Lord show me the window.  Guide me through these tough times and get me back on the path that you know is better for me.  I am not going to blame anyone for this anymore.  I am not going to feel sorry for myself either.  I ask you, if you are a loving God, to be there for me.  I know this is a tall order knowing our past history.  Out of the darkness I cry to you oh Lord.  Take my hand, guide me through the valley of death and deliver me to the other side.  Thank you.  Love Paul

I figured since I have family all over the world, I would write in a blog to let them know how I am doing, what I am doing, and how I am recovering form the recent shit storm that is now my life.  On April 23rd, 2012, I was diagnosed with cancer.  It has spread throughout my whole body.  It was not exactlly the best news to hear being only 31 years old.  My whole life I thought cancer was only for old people.  Boy, was I wrong and I have lost my left testicle to prove how wrong I was.  Now, we start treatments to beat this crap out of my body.  Cancer should know better than to invade a Marines body.  It is a fight that they should have just stayed at home for.

My entire family has put me on prayer chains and have been praying themselves.  My phone has been ringing  non stop since the news.  It has been nothing but love and support during my time of need.  My immediate family (mom, dad, Rachel and Josh) has all come to Kentucky to check up on me.  My mom and my dad have been taking me back and forth to the hospital.  Which is good because I can’t really drive much.  They have stayed with me all week and have been so supportive and helpful.  I honestly cant thank anyone enough for all they have done so far.

So, this blog is the road to my recovery.  I will fight with all that I am.  Please read my posts to know how I am doing, and send me love and prayers.  I will keep you all updated.