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Monthly Archives: July 2012

I wanted to take another direction with this blog and write about my life after cancer.  Unfortunately for me and everyone reading this, it was not that simple.  People bring up cancer and what happened to me more than asking me what I plan to do next with my life.  I mean I don’t really mind talking about it because people are curious, but please do not forget to ask me about other things that are going on in my life too.  When people only ask about cancer, it makes me feel like cancer won.  It may have not stolen my life, but it stole who I am.  No longer do people look at me as Paul.  They look at me as that guy with cancer.  It makes me feel like less of a person and more of a statistic.  I am sure it will be a lot easier to talk about all the fun stuff I do once I get into it.  Like my college adventures, golf, and random shenanigans.

 

Speaking of those three things, there has been no changes yet in the college application process.  I am still trying to find a school that has a degree I to major in and I am waiting for some money to get into that school.  Rest assured both are coming soon.  Well, at least finding a degree I want that will make me a bazillion dollars in the future.

 

As for golf, maybe I should have taken up another hobby.  I hear laziness is the number one hobby of Americans.  I do not think Cassidy would agree with my choice of hobbies and might reconsider being with me if that was my only aspiration in life.  So I will stick with golf for now as a recreational activity.  I still golf quite frequently, but seem to be getting nowhere with my ability to play.  If the game was to smack the shit out of the ball and hope it goes in the trees, sand or water, then Tiger Woods better watch out because I am a pro.  I seem to hit it ever where but on the giant green fairway right in front of me.  Although I did make a pretty awesome shot the other day playing with some guys Steve works with.  I was behind a little row of trees.  Funny, I could start ever golf story with that line.  Anyway, I was behind a row of trees and I had about a ten foot open space between two trees.  Knowing my skills in golf I was going to hit the ball one of three ways.  First, smash it into a one of the trees and be no better off then when I started.  The second was to hit the ball really high into the leaves hoping it would go through the leaves.  My luck, the ball would hit a branch and fall back at my feet.  I went for option three which was to hit it really low and straight through the ten foot opening.  The golf god’s must have been shining upon me on that shot.  I hit the ball and it could not have gone anymore than three feet off the ground.  It was an untypical shot for me because it went straight.  After a few hard bounces I was exactly where I wanted to be, right on the fringe of the green.  Not a bad spot for a second shot on a Par 4 hole.  It’s a shame I can not chip on or putt.  Maybe instead of spending all my money on driving range bucket balls, I should invest in some time at a family fun center that has putt putt golf.

 

I had a pretty awesome weekend.  The first thing I got to do is go down and see my favorite thing in Indiana.  The one balled turtle in my sister yard.  I love that little guy.  The one balled turtle is a ceramic turtle that sits in the front yard and holds a sign that says “The Griders.”  The balance of this turtle was little off, so there is a huge….I am not sure what it is, but it’s a big ball of some sort right between his legs to keep him standing. So now he can continue to let people know that this house is, “The Griders.”  This turtle and I have a connection and we are showing the world that we one balled creations of God can still stand with only one ball between our legs.  So after hanging out outside for a bit, mom and Rachel make the plans to go to BrownCountyPark.  There we walked about 4 miles on two different trails.  I liked the second one about the best because it was a little more open and it circled a lake.  Of course with the drought that has plagued the land, it was more of a pond, but still I liked it.  The scenery was amazing, and although it had fewer mountains, it reminded me of upstate New   York.  I can not wait to see this park in the middle of the fall.  Then on Sunday, Josh and the family came up to visit.  I seized the opportunity to hang out with him.  So I drug him to the golf course.  I think we had more fun trying to play Tokyo Drift than playing golf.  When we got home, we had a little dinner, and the family left.  I promised the girls (my nieces) we would have another pizza roll party soon.  I am looking forward to it.

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It has been a very long time since I have written anything in my blog.  I really have no excuse for it.  I guess honestly I did not feel like writing anything.  As I struggled every day from this experience, I just didn’t feel like writing.  I didn’t really talk to very many people either because it was hard even to talk to someone on the phone.  Every little thing that I did took every bit of my energy to do it.  I am back though.  I have a lot of energy and seem to be feeling better.

 

As you can tell from my absence, I wasn’t feeling good for the last couple of months.  I have to admit, that was one of the hardest battles I have ever had to face.  I felt sick all the time and I had no energy to do much of anything.  I am so glad that stuff is all over with.  I am finally done with treatments.  I don’t have anymore chemo, or boosters to do.  The only thing I have now is one scan, one reading and hopefully and all clear from the doctor.  I would hate to have to have another surgery if my lymph nodes are not back to normal size.

 

Sometimes I don’t feel like I can adequately explain how I feel or what happened.  I do a lot better with people asking me questions.  That way I am for sure talking about something people want to know.  So please ask if you have questions because I am considering changing directions with my blog.  I am not really titling it, but basically it’s going to be my life after cancer.  I just feel that after the 25th its time to turn the page and start a new chapter in life.  That way I can focus on my life now and not what it was. I mean I have big plans after this.  I am going to get back into school and I can finally look for a job.  Hopefully I can find a Macy’s and school close together.  I would really love to have my old Macy’s job back, even if it’s in a different location then where I started.

 

I’ll let you know