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Oh my! If I could actually put on paper exactly what my last three days were like, then I would just stop writing about my situation and blog about just that. It all started when I woke up, day after my last chemo, and woke up a little nausea. So I asked my mom if there was an anti-nausea pill and low and behold, we had one.  I only remember only about a half an hour.  After that, the rest of the time that day I spent either sleeping or showing my mom my best demonstration of what NOT to do during a field sobriety test. I was so wore out and tired, I couldn’t even walk a straight sidewalk. I couldn’t even imagine trying to do that with a piece of tape or a parking lot line. Oh, and the dumb stuff I would say. I try to be so smart and witty, but it never worked. Just turned out all wrong and goofy. My mom even had to tell me to go lay down before I hurt myself. So all and all, nothing has really functioned for me these last three days. My appetite was up, and then it would crash. I would sleep all night one day, but then wake up a hundred times another. Today, finally on day three of just an awkward feeling body, I broke down. This is actually really hard to say, but I have had a really hard head about keeping high spirits. However, when I broke down, I felt dead. It was the first time since this whole experience I felt like I was going to die. My body just refused to function and I felt like I was loosing something. I needed to feel normal to know that my body was still in the fight, but it would give me nothing in return. Just more stumbling and slurred speech. I was actually scared. On the floor crying with my mom holding my shoulder, I wondered what I did wrong to deserve this. I told my mom that this above all, was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Broken and wore, I knew that sitting there crying about what a messed up situation I was in wasn’t going to help. I always told people I worked with that I can complain, but it won’t get me anywhere. So that leads me to the patio for some fresh air and a little music. Avenged Sevenfold: Buried Alive was the theme.

I finally have everything ready for the move. I got my dates all set up, treatments organized, and doctors ready to go. Imp just glad I got to be lazy and didn’t have to do half the stuff mom and Chrissy did. My apartment is packed up ready to go for the trucks. I appreciate what Steve did for me on that aspect. Got the trucks ready for the days we need them. That way all we need to do is pack and before you know it, the move is over. I could not have done any of this without my friends and family. Thanks to everyone.

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9 Comments

  1. I worked today. It was sad not having a friend to visit! I wondered how your weekend went. Keep up the good fight. You have made it this far! Farther than even you imagined. And you have done it well. Thinking of you and hoping tomorrow goes without a hitch.

    • It was a rough ride home. I did make it though. As soon as I got into my moms house, I was in the bed. However, I am well rested and having a better day today.

  2. Hey Paul… I’m off to Texas until Monday next week. after that, if you need an Uncle’s eye on you, I can drop what I’m doing and come up for a few days to help out. Let me know if there’s any thing I can do to help… I’m available. Need a driver, or someone to clean up around or just talk to. I’m willing to make the trip…. Uncle Jeff

    • I am sure there are few things I could use your help for. I will be in touch.

  3. Oh, Paul! You should really take Uncle Jeff up on his offer!! He’s a really great guy to have around and he can fit it all into his schedule! Sounds like a plan to me! (Well, that’s my vote!) 🙂
    PS – Whatever that anti-nausea pill was – remind me NEVER to take that! How terrible! Love you and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, hon!

    • I have a few things that Uncle Jeff would be the expert on helping me with. As far as the medicine, I couldn’t even pronounce it let alone stear anyone clear of it.

  4. hey, love, So I saw this and thought of you (as well as myself and a few other friends that needed to read this) but since I didn’t have your email address I figured I would just post it on here 🙂 love you!!!

  5. Paul, I had no clue went on vacation and found out you were gone you WILL win this fight I have faith God is with you ! Glad I can keep updated with your blog. I feel helpless what can I do for you? I’m praying for you just know you are not alone I’m here if you need anything miss your visits by to say hi!

    • Oh, with the friends that I made in Kentucky, I’ll be back to say hi. I’d be foolish not to come back down to visit all my friends. I made a lot of life long friends and can’t wait to see you all again.


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