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Monthly Archives: April 2012

Dear God,

So my life has been sent for a loop this last week as you already know.  As I try to bring everything into prespective I just have one question.  Why?  Can you please tell me what I did wrong to deserve this deadly disease?  I thought I was doing good in my life.  I minded my own business, I was kind and treated people with love and respect.  So why do I have to do this now?  I am hurt and confused.  I was finally passing math.  For the first time in years I was getting great grades.  Well, maybe not all the best due to the fact my last test was a 34%.  However, my last two grades were really good.  So now that I have this cancer, I have had to drop my class.  The next time I take it, it will be my 5th attempt.  I have lost my job which I have worked so hard to get where I was at.  People loved having me there and I enjoyed being there.  I feel like I have let them down.   I am very hurt that all this has happened.  So I will ask you for this.  Show me why I have cancer.  Please do not abandon me.  I need you in my life now more than ever to make scense of it all.  My mom told me tonight before she went to bed that when you close a door, you open a window.  Well, please Lord show me the window.  Guide me through these tough times and get me back on the path that you know is better for me.  I am not going to blame anyone for this anymore.  I am not going to feel sorry for myself either.  I ask you, if you are a loving God, to be there for me.  I know this is a tall order knowing our past history.  Out of the darkness I cry to you oh Lord.  Take my hand, guide me through the valley of death and deliver me to the other side.  Thank you.  Love Paul


I figured since I have family all over the world, I would write in a blog to let them know how I am doing, what I am doing, and how I am recovering form the recent shit storm that is now my life.  On April 23rd, 2012, I was diagnosed with cancer.  It has spread throughout my whole body.  It was not exactlly the best news to hear being only 31 years old.  My whole life I thought cancer was only for old people.  Boy, was I wrong and I have lost my left testicle to prove how wrong I was.  Now, we start treatments to beat this crap out of my body.  Cancer should know better than to invade a Marines body.  It is a fight that they should have just stayed at home for.

My entire family has put me on prayer chains and have been praying themselves.  My phone has been ringing  non stop since the news.  It has been nothing but love and support during my time of need.  My immediate family (mom, dad, Rachel and Josh) has all come to Kentucky to check up on me.  My mom and my dad have been taking me back and forth to the hospital.  Which is good because I can’t really drive much.  They have stayed with me all week and have been so supportive and helpful.  I honestly cant thank anyone enough for all they have done so far.

So, this blog is the road to my recovery.  I will fight with all that I am.  Please read my posts to know how I am doing, and send me love and prayers.  I will keep you all updated.